The Incident in the Graveyard
by CaladriaHaru
Summary: The Undertaker LOVES it when Lord Randall comes to call.  He gives him customers, he gives him a puzzle, he gives him attention!   heart!   A Kuro crack pairing in this one!


"The Incident in the Graveyard"

This ficlet was first published for blackbutler(dot)net Thursday Crack Ficlet Thread 6: Kuroshitsuji Characters in a Graveyard

Author's note: warning- EXTREME UNDERTAKER CRACK AHOY! Ahehehee

-CaladriaHaru

starring:

The Undertaker, Lord Randall, Finny, Mey-Rin

* * *

Lord Randall grimaced, put his hand on the wrought iron gate, and pushed. The sound of cheerful humming drifted down from amid the tangle of mausoleums and graves somewhere to his right.

The Director of Scotland Yard prepared himself for an ordeal. As he rounded the corner he stopped, perplexed. The humming was continuing from somewhere, but there was no one in view in the deepening twilight. And then a clod of dirt rained down on him.

"What the devil?" he growled in exasperation taking a step back as he realized he had narrowly missed a half-dug pit of a grave, the origin of the music.

An old, ragged top hat poked out of the gaping wound in the earth. The top hat leaned precariously over a mop of silver hair half obstructing his face. The wide grin that gleamed eerily in the fading light sent the familiar shudder down Randall's spine.

"Oh ho~, Lord Randall! You arrived at digging time, hee hee~" he explained in his voice that had the eerie quality of being both high and low in the same sentence.

The head of Scotland Yard found his composure once more and narrowed his eyes. "As long as I live I will never understand why you choose _this_ time to dig the graves. It's unnerving."

The Undertaker chunked his shovel in the earth and in one extraordinarily graceful movement, leaped out of the open grave. As he slowly rose from a crouching position it was impossible to not compare the imagery to that of a corpse rising from the dead.

"Digging time is a special time," Undertaker explained in his perpetually amused, drawn-out tenor/bass, "It is like Lord Randall's tea time." He positively leaned over the older man. Randall couldn't help but shy away from The Undertaker's face. He had had a bad experience once.

Lord Randall coughed into his hand, "yes, well, pardon me for interrupting your….digging time, but the boys have brought over a corpse that needs—"

"Ooooh?~~" The Undertaker clasped his hands together, black fingernails so much longer than would ever be considered normal by human males' standards.

"Er…yes."

"And it must be something very interesting for you to come looking especially for me?~" he questioned, inching forward.

"S-something like that. Dash it all, man, take a foot backwards if you don't mind! There is such a thing as personal space in this country still!"

The Undertaker didn't move an inch, forcing Lord Randall to create the distance himself.

"Is it male or female?" He inquired brightly, rubbing his long, nimble fingers together.

"Male."

"Ahhh~~~ Of course! And is he young or old?"

"Well, he is…we're not sure exactly."

"Oh~~ That means he must be terribly, terribly mutilated!"

The large black-clad body moved closer. And now that the sun had gone down completely Lord Randall felt coldness sink into the pit of his stomach.

"We fished him out of the Thames two hours ago and his skin has…now _see here_, I have warned you about harassment in the past. Be professional, man!" Lord Randall took another step back as The Undertaker leaned down and began to nuzzle his shoulder.

The familiar grin fell. "But Lord Randall is the only living person I see, sometimes for nights and nights~~ And you so often bring me customers."

"We're talking about _murder_ here, sir!" the Director of Scotland Yard protested.

"Ohhhh!~~ You always say the sweetest things to me, Lord Randall!~~"

* * *

Meanwhile, Finny and Mey-Rin crept nearby through the graveyard.

Finny was distraught. "Waaaai! Mey-Rin! I want to go home, I want to go home! Why are we here? What if a ghost or a zombie comes to eat us!" The blond boy's large tears fell to the earth in vain as Mey-Rin happily picked her way with a lantern.

At the sound of the word "ghost" the red-headed maid felt her cheeks burn and her blood pump.

"We're looking for the special mushrooms Mr. Sebastian asked us to find for the Halloween dinner he is preparing for the young master. They only grow in the graveyard at dusk, he said." She paused to put a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry, Finny, I'll make sure I get the ghost or zombie to come right to me, so don't be scared. But you need your eyes to look for the mushrooms, right?"

Finny sniffled into his arm and then brightened somewhat.

"You really won't let a ghost get me?"

"I promise!" Mey-Rin reiterated with a smile.

Her face looked scary in the lamplight, but Finny felt a little better. He made a fist and held it to his chest. "Right! We have to get those mushrooms for Mr. Sebastian so he can make his spooky dinner for the Young Master! Let's find them!"

Mey-Rin and Finny nodded to each other and then began to creep onwards, scouring for the elusive grave mushrooms.

"Hey, Mey-Rin, do you hear that?" Finny said, putting his hand on Mey-Rin's arm.

There were voices. Definitely there were voices from coming up ahead.

One voice sounded scared and angry!

_Voices?_

And then the voices stopped altogether….

The two servants crept forward, and two heads peaked out from behind a large gravestone.

In the darkness a large black massive monster looked like he was messily devouring a man in a top-hat. There were slurping sounds and _everything_!

"!"

Mey-Rin and Finny turned as one and ran as fast as they could, never stopping once, until they arrived at the Phantomhive manor.

* * *

The next morning Lady Randolph sent a message to Scotland Yard that her husband was very ill, had nightmares throughout the night, and would be in bed all day.

FIN

CaladriaHaru: BWAHAHAHAHAAAAA! *cries*


End file.
